You just like a drug , I'm addicted. Not just about the physical attraction, but your personality or whatever it was that made you so irresistible .
I crave for you, even when i haven't talked to you in a while, i begin to have withdrawals, start feeling sick afterwards and it killing me. Sometimes i just want to let go, but i can't. because i constantly craving you. These withdrawals are hard to deal with.
But you just like a drug, a serious disease. This disease like all drug addictions is a bad habit.
I smoke to your past , there's always be something about you that driving me insane
my mind wander off with your daily life
i want you
it's like, I need you to make me feel good, in a way that nothing and nobody else can. The more I see you the more I want to see what's on your mind.
I make excuses for everything, i start analyze you, analyze myself, find ways this could work, keep it going at whatever cost
I took so much efforts, i don't even know why, its so addictive.
I’m an addict.
I’m addicted to him.
I’m addicted to the way I feel when I’m with him — the good, not the bad, though sometimes I believe I would accept the bad in order to also have the good. Maybe, possibly, if I’m just good enough and try hard enough and all the stars are aligned then maybe I’ll get some of the good.
I’m addicted to the memory of him when he was in a good mood and always compliment me. I’m addicted to the energy and space he took up in every conversation we brings together. I was addicted to the constant texting and video call that happened before,and the roller coaster drama of trying to prove the world that we're immature enough to be Normal like anyone else.
I was addicted to proving that I’m good enough and that I can accept and forgive and love him unconditionally while he spent time trying to do his job on the weekend, I was addicted to putting him back together after he broke up from a 7 years old relationship with a girl from Bristol. I was addicted to riding out his struggle with commitment and his inability to plan for the future because that women devastated him by being a high-achiever I was addicted to proving to him that I’ll stand by him always, no matter the hardship, no matter how anxiety could hits both of us in the midnight.
I’m addicted to continuing to send messages to his phone from messengers. He makes unfair statements sometimes about a simple political mind and I get angry and find myself trying get over him and just when I start to think I did the right thing ,he lifts me up with loving words, compliments and apologies. I’m addicted to the way he called me, “Lover” as if somehow that i'm the chosen one, to be called as his Lover. I'm addicted with what's on his mind, all of his dumb taste in music which i think genius.
I’m addicted to my new reality … the reality in which nothing seems right without that drama and chaos even though this calm, quiet, peaceful life is healthier and safer and more trustworthy. Even though this life is beautiful. And I’m angry at myself for this particular addiction more than anything else. That’s how I know I’m an addict. I’m a co-dependent, enabling, door mat of an addict. Because when I say that I miss the way I felt when I was with him … I know that’s my addiction doing the talking. Because when I’m honest with myself I can say that most days I felt desperate to prove to him that I am good enough to him.
